A very big little surprise :)

pregnancy announcement

I am pregnant!

The news came as a total surprise, as we weren’t planning for another baby at all. In fact, we were very much finished with having more children. I had gone through the emotional period of waving goodbye to the sweet years of having babies. I had come to terms with the fact that this period had ended for us, and had decided to embrace the next phases of my life, of seeing our kids grow and develop into beautiful children, teenagers, adults. I happily gave away our baby stuff, and it was all fine. Nice even! It was a good feeling, to be where I was in my life.

The last year has been very busy for me. There was a lot of work and travel, there were a lot of school projects I was taking part in, loads of social activities and parties to arrange… On top of taking care of our household, I was struggling to get everything done. At the end of the school year, I was exhausted. I had little to no energy, and even fell asleep on the sofa in the middle of the day (that NEVER happens to me!). I decided I was suffering from stress and that I was maybe close to a burn-out, and intended to take it real easy during the summer holidays.

During our vacation in France, I discovered that I had missed a period. I still felt exhausted and without energy, and felt so bloated! I couldn’t be pregnant, as we had not had unsafe sex. My husband is a serious guy — he is very careful with these kind of things!* So I ruled that possibility out. After a bit of research, I decided that perhaps I was suffering from early pre-menopause symptoms. Missed period — check. Tired and listless — check. Bloated belly — check.

The next few weeks weren’t any better. Now I was also feeling continuously nauseous, and at this point I was getting afraid that something was terribly wrong. I could have cysts on my ovaries, or even worse, cancer?? I decided to see a doctor as soon as I was back in Amsterdam. But beforehand, I wanted to make 100% sure I wasn’t pregnant after all. And… you can guess. A big fat positive outcome!

I’m being completely honest with you here. It was a shock. I was feeling confused, but also relieved that I was ‘just’ pregnant. At least nothing terrible was happening to me! When we had our first scan, a few days later, we saw a little tiny baby, with arms and legs, waving at us. By that point I was nearly 12 weeks pregnant!!

It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions since, with feelings of excitement, panic and confusion all mixing in my mind. It’s the weirdest start of a pregnancy. I wasn’t meant to be pregnant. We have no idea when (and how!) this baby was conceived. And I completely ‘missed’ my first trimester! At the moment I am 15 weeks pregnant. I have more energy and am slowly getting used to walking this new path of life. The kids and Tamar are beyond excited (and I’m getting there too!). This baby is definitely the biggest surprise ever, but a very, very welcome one after all. : )

xxx Esther

* You may wonder — why do you let your husband take care of contraception? Well, it is because I felt that after our last baby, my body had gone through enough. Years of contraception (the pill, and an IUD after that), 4 pregnancies and births, years of breastfeeding, all of the hormones… I thought it was his turn, and he agreed; he was going to get ‘the snip’. But… well, let’s just say, it hasn’t happened yet. So we used alternative birth control in the meantime (condoms, in case you’re curious), and have, as I said, been really serious about not becoming pregnant. (I have even taken the morning after pill once, when we were slightly in doubt we had been careful enough…)


Comments (35)

September 13, 2017

This is the best post ever! I personally am also beyond excited and as usual I love your total honesty!!!

September 13, 2017

I couldn’t agree more 😃

September 13, 2017

Wow, congratulations to you all! Xx

September 13, 2017

I can only say one thing: CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are a gifted woman! And you have enough love for 10 more children 🙂

Annie from Brimful
September 13, 2017

Could not be more thrilled for you my dear friend! God works in mysterious ways and I just know even while you prepare your heart to welcome this fifth little one, a deep peace and sense of readiness will come too. Love you!!

September 13, 2017

What a tender, genuine post. Congratulations to you. You are a super-woman mom!

September 13, 2017

How amazing!!! So exciting for you and your family! Some things are meant to be!

September 13, 2017

Congratulations! I had a crazy beginning of one of my four pregnancies as well… even got a NEGATIVE pregnancy test, and then a couple of months later ( not showing AT ALL) started feeling the baby move hahaha! ENJOY the miracle (again).

September 13, 2017

So terribly exciting! So crazy how you and Courtney are such soul sisters leading parallel lives of some sort! Ha! You have a beautiful family. Excited to follow along as you all are blessed with more love!

September 13, 2017

What a beautiful surprise! Congratulations! I can identify your feelings very well (I experienced a very similar situation)!

Vicky in Amsterdam
September 13, 2017

Oh Esther, you have never looked more beautiful! I love your news, I love this post, and I LOVE this photo! What a lucky little baby you have in there xx

September 13, 2017

Congratulations! Such wonderful news! Loved your honesty too -very refreshing. Sometimes things are just meant to be :0)

September 13, 2017

what a beautiful story! i nearly cried – hormones. i’m currently 18+2 weeks pregnant with our 4th(!) boy and the story could be mine. i’m 42 and really had finished with having babies. i gave away all the baby stuff to refugees and felt so good. liberating somehow after having serious baby fever and difficulties in saying good bye to the baby years… well, i ,as you, thought of something serious or menopause, i even thought of buying new sport bras as my breasts seemed to hurt. i still did not think of the possibility of being pregnant… when i started feeling nauseous and couldn’t get up from the couch i was sure i had cancer… (i had just finished therapy from anxiety disorder and depression) i went to the gyn checking my uterus for cancer or menopause signs and came home with the ‘mutter-kind-pass’. :O
well, i’m still on the roller coaster of emotions, hoping everything is fine with our surprise! i’m 42 after all……
best wishes to you and your little surprise ! XX

September 13, 2017

Congratulations Esther !!! Your post is so honest…bravo 😉 I had the same “little” big surprise last year when I discovered I was pregnant with my third… with an IUD in my uterus and after years of treatments to have my two oldest, I was really shocked too, and so excited and happy in the same time !!! Rose is now 5 months, she’s a wonderful baby, quiet and always happy… and as we often say with my husband : she’s the Cherry on our cake 😍 I wish you a wonderful pregnancy, you still have 6 months to enjoy 😉

September 13, 2017

this is wonderful

September 13, 2017

Congratulations! As a mom about to turn 40 with a 7-month old I like ok forward to hearing your tips and advice for parenting at a non-traditional age.

September 13, 2017

Congratulations !!!!!!! X

September 14, 2017

Congratulations. Such wonderful news and honestly so refreshing to hear you write with such honesty about your family planning, i.e. contraceptives and mishaps. Clearly this babe is meant for this world. Love and light.

September 14, 2017

Esther, congratulations, to you and your family! A brave woman you are!

September 14, 2017

Maybe you are the next Virgin Mary! 😉 Congratulations anyway x

Analog House
September 14, 2017

I wanted to add that I let my husband control the birth control too. I didn’t want to go on the pill and am still ok if we get accidentally pregnant. May I ask how old you are? I’m in my early 40s and still wonder if I can/should have another child. I am always curious to hear stories. xo

September 15, 2017

I am thrilled by this post! Your family is such a delight to read about and your parenting advice has had a tremendous impact on my own philosophies as a mother. So, thank you, congratulations, and I will hold you, your little clan, and this mysterious new soul in the light.

September 15, 2017

Congratulations, Esther, wonderful news! Expecting another baby! You guys do live parallel lives, no? Fun!

September 15, 2017

well, that was honest …mayve a bit too honest. I don’t really think I (and the rest of the world) should know that your child is an accident but to each their own, i guess.

September 16, 2017

Honestly is never a bad thing 😉 A happy accident is something to celebrate not something to hide, I feel!

September 15, 2017

Agree with bh. Funny that you published a book explaining all about pregnancy, though.

Julia @knirpsenklamotten
September 16, 2017

Dear Esther,

This Story is so wonderful written by you – so honest and not cheesy but Full of emotion. All the best for your growing family.

XXX, Julia

September 16, 2017

i follow you here and on instagram. I’m really happy for you! this is a wonderful news… and i can believe when you say that you you don’t know how it could be happened, it has been the same for our 3rd child, congratulation wonderful mom!!

veronika goisova
September 17, 2017

Our third baby happened exactly the same way-the biggest and the most wonderful accident there is ,most definitely nothing to hide from world thats for sure ,we of course love our accident baby just like our planned babies and I already know its something to laugh and love about now and in years to come 🙂

Lora Mulkay
September 28, 2017

Hi Esther,

Congrats on your pregnancy! I want to know where you got your dress from in the photo? Its so pretty.

Esther in Amsterdam
September 28, 2017

Thanks Lora! I got that dress at Monoprix this summer, from the sale rack 😉 x

November 10, 2017

Congratulations! I loved this post so much… I felt like crying just reading something so candid abd heartfelt 🙂 All the best for the rest of your pregnancy!

Esther in Amsterdam
November 11, 2017

Ahhh, thanks so much for your support Kyley, you’re so sweet. xx

December 4, 2017

Hi Esther! I met you at the ShopUp yesterday on King’s Rd. You had just met with Santa 🙃 & we just started chatting. We both felt as if we had met before …but it cannot be anywhere else as previous Chelsea ShopUp as we live in different places …
Anyway I loved talking to you. You are such an open , honest person. Obviously I always feel affinity to women when they are pregnant having worked all those years in midwifery…I could relate to your feelings of being pregnant by surprise too. I have had to explore those feelings myself once and I know that only another female can relate to that. In my case I miscarried that little one…I had not felt happy about the pregnancy -so guilt ate away in me for many years. My husband-who seems to have always gone to 7th heaven when we are pregnant ( hmm I always struggle with the ‘we’ Esther because it was definitely I who was pregnant!😂🙃😐) & he was devastated ( for years he tells me later on!). So I just think you looked fabulous yesterday! I know you must be super-busy most of the time…but be kind to yourself. Do one nice ‘this-is-for-Esther -thing’ everyday. Honesty is just the most beautiful, refreshing form of sharing you can give to anyone and I hope that you have lot of that in your life. Anyway I am grateful our paths crossed and wishing you a lovely Christmas with your truly beautiful family and happy year 2018! Lots of love -Annie

April 17, 2018

Esther, thanks for this. I had to smile as it is exactly what I experienced as well. And although we used condoms as well, I got pregnant last year and baby no 3 is coming any minute. The snip has been done though last month ; ) All the best x julie

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